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Two Suggestions for Bill Maher’s New Rules

Posted by sdrury on October 13, 2009

1. No one besides Jack Nicholson (and, ok, blind people) is allowed to intentionally wear sunglasses indoors. This includes athletes, porn stars, the Kate chick with 8 kids bitching about being followed around by photographers when her income is based solely on that very thing, car salesmen, pimps (similar to car salesmen, just a different product), politicians (see: porn stars/car salesmen/pimps), and least of all, a woman eating in a half-decent restaurant who is pregnant (I think), wearing a tank top, flip flops and sporting a new RoadRunner tattoo on her calf which she thinks is “uhhhhhmazin'” (direct quote).

2. Black chicks aren’t allowed to have blonde hair. Stop it. Don’t tell me it’s a black thing whitey doesn’t understand. Eve, Mary J Blige, and any other marginally talented member of the entertainment-industrial complex. C’mon now girl. Be true to your roots-the ones in your blood and on your head.

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